for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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