Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
