You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
