ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
