he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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