I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
