She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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