So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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