Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
