i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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