new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
