thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I supernannyed him into submission
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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