I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
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Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
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I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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