How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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