You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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