You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
