You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
