the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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