i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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