Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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