There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
