your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
