The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
