i already hear my dad disowning me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
