Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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