i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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