I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
