so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize