kristin has been a bad kristin
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
