Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
