you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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