So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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