I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
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I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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