only if we run a train.
done.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
