We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
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I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration