I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Someone came in the potted fern
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist