i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?