so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.