Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?