i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
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You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
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We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.