I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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