Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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