just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This is the high leading the old right now
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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