i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
