my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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