dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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