i don't like sucking hair
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
