no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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