he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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