Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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