I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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