I can text with my tongue
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
God I need to hump something, right now.
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