Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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