I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
