OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize