don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
