I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize