Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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