Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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