You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
