I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
