i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So much rum. So many feels.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
