Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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