So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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